Thinking of You

Last weekend was four years since you passed away. Four years sounds like SO long ago, but it still seems so fresh sometimes. I wanted to update your blog on the 25th like I normally would, but I just couldn't do it. I found myself avoiding it, like I just didn't feel like accepting the anniversary of it this year. I'm so tired of you being gone Mom. So many exciting things are happening in my life right now and all I want is to share them all with you. I can imagine how thrilled you'd be every time you saw my growing belly, an ultrasound picture, or got to feel how much this baby likes to kick and wiggle. I can almost hear you saying "Ooh maybe it will be Elmhurst Hospital's first baby of the year!" when you learned of my New Years Day due date. Who knows, maybe you have a front row seat for all of it. I sure hope so, because I am really feeling your absence through this huge chapter in my life. I do feel your presence, every time I picture your reaction to whatever milestone happens to come about. I know you'll be watching over us when the baby's birthday arrives. I promise you, Rocky and I are going to tell this kid all about you and what a wonderful person his or her Grandma Castady was. We both love you so much, and we agree that the only bittersweet part of all of this is that our child won't be fortunate enough to know you. We don't know what we're having, but one thing is for sure... if we have a little girl, her middle name will be Jeanette in honor of you. I love you and miss you with all my heart.