Your Day

I have this picture on my refrigerator and every time I see your face it warms my heart. This picture really captures the essence of you. The Joy in your smile, and the Love in your eyes. It's that Face and that Joy and that Love that I miss every day, but although you aren't here I can still feel your presence so strongly in my heart and your influence in my life. I can't wait to see you again someday. Mother's Day will never be the same without you, Mom. We are lucky to have other great moms in our lives to celebrate on Mother's Day, and some of us are or will be a mom that gets celebrated ourselves, but deep in my heart it's a day that will always center around you. The Mom I was so blessed to have had for 28 years. I will always, always be grateful for every day I had with you, and that God picked ME to be one of your daughters. I love you and miss you so much. Mother's Day and every day.

Missing You...

I dreamt of you last night... I don't remember anything except hearing your wonderful laughter, and it was music to my ears. Your memory never fades, Mom. I love you and miss you more than words could ever say.

Dedicated to Mom

Happy New Year!

We always used to call each other at midnight. You were usually at work, having a pot luck party with your friends, which you always looked forward to. Sometimes you'd call me, or I would call you, but we always ended up talking after midnight to wish each other a happy a new year, and say I love you. I miss that so much. Tonight I will ring in the new year with all of your sisters, who loved you so much. We won't be able to call you, but we'll definitely be missing you and thinking about you whent the clock strikes 12... and before... and after. I pray the year to come will continue to bring more peace for all of us. We miss and love you sooo much, mom. Happy new year.

Merry Christmas

All I want for Christmas is you, mom. You made the season brighter for all of us, but I think you'd be happy to know that we still come together and celebrate Christmas day as one big happy family. With 13 adults and 12 kids that's not always an easy task, but it just feels right, and we know that's the way you'd want it to be. It's bittersweet to have such happy family time without you there, but you are ever present on our minds and in our hearts, and your absence is felt deeply. I think maybe that's part of what draws us closer as each year passes. You were always the magnetic force that brought us together and made every gathering so happy and complete. I think without you we just strive to nourish and grow our family bond the way we know would make you so happy. I'm so proud of who you were, mom, and I just ask God to help me be more like you. I'll miss you this Christmas, as I do each day, and I thank you for being my guardian angel, and getting me through. I love you so much, Merry Christmas.

Oh, Mom

I had that dream again last night, where I wake up balling. Sometimes I wonder if Lauren hears me, and just can't bring herself to tell me about it. The hole doesn't really get filled, does it? Nothing can replace you Mom - not that I would ever make that attempt. I find myself ready to go, at any time; but you wouldn't want it that way, would you? You want me to be molded into the man you made me to be with my time down here. I think I believe it less and less that you're actually gone as the years go by. The other day I found myself alone in the van, and I just had to say it out loud- "Are you KIDDING me? She's really gone?" simply unreal. Anyway, I'm just here to express my love one more time. You are missed, irreplaceable and never forgotten!

2 Years

It’s been 2 years since we have lived without my mom, our beautiful centerpiece. She means so much to so many who knew and loved her. It seems like yesterday she was here with us, laughing, planning, and enjoying all the blessings in her life. I know my mom is in Heaven, and that’s what gets me through, and gives me some sense of peace. Just knowing she is in God’s glory is comforting, because that’s what she deserves. But still, a day doesn’t go by that she isn’t on our minds and in our hearts, more than words could ever express. Thanks to the Lord for my mom, and every moment she blessed us with her presence here on earth. And now, I just want to share a list of a few of the many wonderful things about my mom (in NO particular order):

Her kindness
Her smile
She was 100% genuine
She LOVED the Lord!
Her willpower and discipline
Her courage to stand up for her beliefs
Her laugh
Her nicknames for us - Catarina, Boy, Beckerdoodle, Le-Cat-Beck-Dan-Georgie! (when she just couldn’t figure out who she was trying to call)… Just to name a few
Her cute way of putting together an outfit and excitement to lay it out and show you
Her voice
Her smell
She was the greatest teacher I ever had
Her unconditional love
Her good advice
Her nurturing
A hug, kiss, and a huge smile each time you saw her (even if you just saw her yesterday)
Her delicious meals, prepared with love every Tuesday - and then some!
Her reassurance that “everything will be ok”
She would never hold a grudge
She could forgive anyone anything
Her selflessness (although she definitely SHOULD have thought of herself more often if you ask me)
Walking with her
Singing with her
Her great cooking advice (I still take her advice every time I cook)
How enjoyable it was to talk to her on the phone my whole ride home from work.
She inspires me to be a better person
Our long talks about nothing
Our long talks about everything
Her encouragement
Her thoughtfulness
How FUN she was to hang out with!
How much she loved my dad
How much my dad loves her
She was a WONDERFUL wife!
She was an AMAZING mom!
Her ability to make everyone feel equally important and special in her eyes
Her ability to stay neutral – but lovingly neutral
She ADORED her grandchildren!
She took pride in her family
Her excitement about Christmas presents – to give of course, not receive
Her holiday decorations – whatever the holiday
Her LOVE for her sisters and sister-in-laws
How excited she got for any “sisters” outing or event that was coming up
Her giving nature to everyone she knew - or didn't know for that matter
She gave of herself until she could give no more.

This list could go on and on. I’m sure every person who knew her could add a hundred things of their own. I just like to remind myself of all the reasons I am lucky to have her as my mom, and I thought today of all days, it was important to share it with anyone who reads this blog also. Rest peacefully, mom, you’ll always be “the sweetest lady that ever lived” to us. We miss you and love you every day, always.