Visitation & Funeral Information

Visitation for Mom will be at Steuerle Funeral Home in Villa Park from 2:30PM-9:30PM on Wednesday 9/27/2006. A memorial service will be held at 10:30AM Thursday at the funeral home. For a map and directions, click here.

Steuerle Funeral Home, Ltd.
350 South Ardmore Avenue
Villa Park, IL 60181
Phone: (630) 832-4161

Prepare a Place for Her

Last night, around 11:30PM, mom ended her struggle with cancer. While everyone in the family is incredibly sad, there is also relief in the knowledge that she is no longer in pain, and she is now with the one that she always loved the most.

We will post wake and funeral arrangements as soon as we have definite plans, which will most likely be later today.

Weekend Update

So much has changed since we last updated this blog. On Thursday of last week, the very difficult decision was made to officially have mom be put on hospice. The doctors were saying that the chemo was not doing much good, and the physical price that mom was paying was too much. Basically, what that means is that mom will stop taking all medication except for those things that make her comfortable. In other words, we are left giving her morphine when she needs it for pain, and some sleeping pills, when she needs to sleep.

Unfortunately, mom's condition has detioriated rather rapidly since she came home from the hospital on Tuesday. She has pretty much stopped eating all solid foods and even drinking has become quite a chore for her. We have had to switch her morphine medication to liquid form because swallowing pills has become much too difficult for her. With the discontinuation of some of the other medications, mom's ammonia levels have gradually increased again, which is causing some disoriented and confusion. She still is recongnizing faces, remembering names, and will even whisper an "I love you" when she sees new people. The thing I've learned about cancer through all this is that it doesn't take away your will to fight, it takes away your ability to fight.

While mom could not be at Becky and Rocky's wedding in person this past Friday, she was all over the place in spirit. Friday was probably the worst day mom has had physically since the original diagnosis, but she was still able to give Becky a big smile and wanted her corsage pinned on her before Becky left for the wedding. Whether it was mom's presence during the lighting of the Unity Candles, or during my sister Cathi's inspired speech at the reception, or during Bill Hayes's prayer before dinner, mom's presence was felt and embraced. I think that even the people there who had never met mom walked away with some idea of what a truly special woman she is. I also just wanted to say how proud I am of my sister and my new brother-in-law. This entire process has been extremely difficult for them, but somehow they both exhibited the selflessness and grace to show their grief and joy that they were both feeling throughout the past few weeks.

No one knows how much time mom has left on this earth. She is surrounded by love and everyone is doing all they can to make sure her days are spent as comfortable as possible. We are no longer going to have a hired nurse help with mom. Family will be with her 24 hours a day for as long as it is needed. When her eyes open, she will be greeted by the face of someone she knows and loves. We really can't think of anything else we can do right now. Please pray for mom's comfort.

Familiar Surroundings

It was almost too normal, or maybe too familiar. Yesterday, sometime in the afternoon I wanted to call and see if my mom was making any progress in her trip from the hospital to her home. So I called my parents number, expecting my dad or maybe my sister to answer. Instead, it was my mom picking up the phone. For a few seconds, I forgot everything. I forgot about the cancer that was eating away at her body. I forgot about the all the pain and the frustration of the past few months. For a few seconds there, it was just me, calling the house and my mom picking up the phone, just like I've done a million times before that.

So mom did finally return home yesterday after nearly a month spent in the hospital. Other than the ambulance that transported her getting lost a little bit, the entire episode seemed to go pretty good. While we are still working out some of the little kinks with mom being home, things seem to be going good. When I saw mom for the first time, lying in her bed at home, I couldn't believe how much better she looked. Maybe it was just the soft lighting of her makeshift bedroom, but she definitely seemed more relaxed and happy. She spent most of the day awake and talking, so by the time the early evening came, she was pretty wiped out. It was definitely a big day for mom.

About 7:30PM last night, the nurse that my dad hired to take care of mom arrived. She will be living at the house from Sunday night to Friday night. On the weekends, it will be up to the family to make sure mom is taken care of. Very quickly, the nurse made quite an impression on us.

She is a Polish woman who speaks limited English but seems to read and understand it fairly well. However, what she lacks in the English department, she more than made up for with her assertiveness and expertise. Within 15 minutes of being at the house, she had already had mom sitting up on the edge of the bed and washing her, and quickly followed that up with a good massage. To be honest, I think mom was a little startled by it all. She even mentioned that she hasn't had that good of a "workout" since she's been in the hospital. The nurses at the hospital made sure mom was comfortable, but never really insisted that she move around or do anything really. Mom's new nurse has different ideas. In the first 16 hours that she has been at the house, the nurse (Jenny), has already gone shopping, cooked breakfast, and done laundry, in addition to getting up to speed on mom's medication and figuring out a good schedule for mom's daily activities.

As I've mentioned previously, mom hasn't been eating much lately. However, when the nurse came over last night, she declared that she would make sure mom would be consuming a minimum of 1000 calories every day. We all kind of chuckled at the comment, thinking that Nurse Jenny would be in for a surprise when it was actually time to get mom to eat. I mean we've all been encouraging mom to eat for over a month now, and it hasn't done much good. However, somehow, Jenny coaxed mom into eating a whole bowl of oatmeal, some polish lunchmeat, and some cantaloupe this morning, so it was everyone else who was in for the surprise. Apparently, this woman knows what she is doing. Maybe, just maybe, this is the kind of tough love that mom needs right now. We've got the other kind of love figured out already.

Homecoming

This blog is becoming increasingly difficult to update in a timely fashion. It isn't that I don't want to update it. The problem is that I'm always holding out thinking that if I just wait one more hour, or one more night, I will have better information to share with everyone. I guess it's probably time to admit that we will most likely never have perfect information on exactly what is happening on all fronts with mom. Just keep in mind, that things are constantly changing with mom's condition and her treatment options. What is true today probably won't be completely accurate tomorrow...or even later today for that matter. However, this is what we know as of today, right now.

This past Saturday, mom officially got the go ahead to return home after almost a month in the hospital. While everyone was extremely excited to have mom coming home, there was also a bit of nervousness about what needed to be done before that could happen. Mom has been retaining water quite a bit lately, and the plan was to have another procedure done to have that fluid drained before she came home. However, since there was no one available at the hospital to do the procedure over the weekend, the doctor thought it was best that mom's homecoming be delayed util today. This way, she can have her stomach drained prior to coming home. Hopefully this will aleviate some of mom's discomfort and allow her to be more comfortable at home.

Mom is sleeping a lot lately. I think all of the medication that she is taking is taking it's toll on her body. For now, chemo has been suspended. While I don't think there is any official word on whether it will be resumed or not, I can't see it happening any time soon. She was able to get two cycles of chemo so far, and in both cycles, after two weeks her platelette level drop to dangerous levels. Mom's platelette has returned to safe levels once again, however at this point, it just isn't worth the risk and all the accompanying side effects to continue to try and do chemo. If mom's condition takes a turn for the better in the next few weeks, I'm sure we will revisit this.

So for now, everyone's main goal is to try and make sure mom is as comfortable as she can be while she is home. She is, for the most part, confined to the bed which means that she needs someone ready to care for her 24 hours a day. This morning, my mom and dad will be interviewing an RN who will hopefully be mom's caregiver while she is home. I think having someone at the house dedicated to only serving mom will help put everyone's mind at ease, most importantly, mom's. We will still continue to have a schedule, where family members will spend time with mom during the daylight hours to tend to all the non-critical things, not that the schedule is really necessary. I, like most people, have never been in the room with my mom by myself. She is continually being flooded with friends and family. I'll admit that I was a little worried that as time dragged on, people may find it increasingly difficult to continue to spend time with mom. That certainly has not happened yet, and now I really can't ever see that happening. She is that loved.

So for now, please pray for mom and everyone involved in her direct care. Mom's homecoming is the best thing to happen in a while, but it is also a huge challenge for a lot of people. I think everyone is up for the challenge, but I don't think a prayer or two would hurt either.

Can you Help?

When we first started this blog, a little over a month ago, we had two main purposes in mind. The first was to keep everyone informed as to what is going on with mom so that the house wasn't overwhelmed with phone calls everyday looking for updates. The second, was to try and pool all the resources that are out there to help mom if something ever came up. Well now, it looks like something might be coming up.

Mom has been in the hospital for 4 weeks now, and I think everyone agrees that it's time for her to come home. She is going to continue to receive chemo treatments as an outpatient and at the very least will have a home healthcare nurse visit her a couple of times a week to make sure everything is going OK. While everyone is extremely excited for mom to come home, there also is a fair amount of uneasiness as well. Right now mom is for the most part, bed-ridden. She gets up to go to the bathroom and sits in a chair to eat, but other than that, she is mostly confined to a bed. Obviously with her in this state, she requires 24 hour supervision to ensure that whatever she needs, someone is there to help her with it.

Our first thought upon hearing mom was coming home, was that we would create a schedule where everyone would do a 4 hour shift throughout the day and then someone would sleep over each night. However, after going over this with mom, we realized that she is not comfortable with having waves of people caring for her throughout the day. A lot of the things that need to be done are of a personal nature so mom doesn't want just anyone helping her with it. We tried out some other ideas like our oldest sister Leah possibly moving in with my mom. However, mom's doctor thought that while this might be an OK short-term solution, it would probably become overwhelming for Leah long-term. If you don't already know, Leah already has 4 kids ranging in age from 3-11, and is pregnant with another set of twins. So yeah, I could see how that might be tough for her.

So after going over our options, we decided that a full-time nurse would probably be the best option. While the hospital gave us a lot leads to try out, we would like to find someone who comes with a personal recommendation. To be honest, we don't even know exactly what we're looking for. We think that we'd like the person there during the day, from about 8AM to 5PM. They would help mom administering medication, preparing meals, turning her to a new position every 2 hours, bathing, bathroom, etc.

So, is there anyone out there who might of know someone? Mom will most likely be coming home on Thursday or Friday of this week. While I think we can handle everything for a week or two, we would like to get this resolved as soon as possible. Please contact whoever you are most comfortable with in the family, email me, or post a comment in response to this entry if you think you can help in our search.

Wedding Photos

You can view photos of the wedding at this site:

Click!!

Our Wedding Day!

I’m MARRIED! Wow. I can hardly believe it’s real, but it’s wonderful. Today was so special, and so memorable, that I couldn’t even wait until after my mini-moon tonight to tell you all about it.

Last night I slept over at my parents’ house and this morning I got all ready in the place I grew up. It was nice, kind of how I pictured it my whole life, with the exception of my mom waking me up and getting ready with me in the morning. Last night was the night I had to cry as I dozed off to sleep because my mom wasn’t there to tuck me in and wish me sweet wedding-eve dreams. But this morning I woke up with peace in my heart and prayed all morning that today would be a day of celebration that would be thoroughly enjoyed by everyone who was a part of it. The Lord did not let me down.

When my sister Cathi & I arrived at the hospital we giggled at the spectacle surrounding us. You would not believe the surprise and awe on the faces of everyone in the surgical waiting room seeing a girl stroll by in a veil! I almost felt like it brought a little smile to some people who needed it, and that warmed my heart. And between you and me, I kind of enjoyed the attention. I felt like a girl on her wedding day SHOULD feel, and that was great.

I was so excited to see my mom!! I have been SO busy this week, between two weddings, work, and every other daily task I had hardly any time to visit my mom and I felt bad about it. But yesterday when I called her she told me not to feel that way, she doesn’t want that. And that was enough for me to stop with the self berating.

I could not believe how BEAUTIFUL she looked. Her hair, makeup, dress, jewelry… she definitely did not put an end to her foxy-Jeanette-at-her-kids-wedding streak! She was gorgeous and it just made my heart sail to look at her. I gave her the bracelet I got her that matched my own and she seemed to really love it. Once she was all ready she told me I looked beautiful and held my hand as we made our way down to the chapel.

Then I got a little nervous. I could not believe how calm I was all morning, not really feeling like it was my wedding day, and not freaking out at all. Right outside the church I got a little shaky. But still, nothing like I would have imagined… at all! I guess that’s what happens when you’re just sure. Our friend Terry Murphy, who is a gifted photographer, generously volunteered to take pictures during the service, so all those special moments were captured on film.

My dad escorted me in and gave me away to Rocky. We both kept pretty composed as we exchanged our vows and were pronounced man and wife. Maybe a few tears fell, but again, I was so surprised at how calm and peaceful and wonderful it all was. “And then he kissed me”! Anyone who has ever seen me, my mom, and dad sing before will appreciate the irony in that sentence.

Afterwards we had a wonderful little reception in a large room on my mom’s floor. My aunts, my mom’s loving, thoughtful sisters, prepared the room with flowers, decorations, and a delicious cake. Rocky’s mom & dad brought beautiful roses, some of which served as my mini-bouquet when I walked down the aisle. It was a really great time for all of us. We laughed and sang the “Rebekah” song my dad wrote for me when I was little, ate cake, and took about… oh, I don’t know… a million pictures. I can’t wait to post some of them on here for you all to see!

Eventually it was time to go, and Rocky’s parents took us, my dad, and all our brothers and sisters, and brother and sister-in-laws out for a great lunch at Anyway’s. Bill & Geri Hayes are officially my mother and father-in-law and I love them SO much! They have been nothing short of a blessing from heaven throughout this ordeal of my mom being sick. Always there for us, always eager to help, and doing anything they can to contribute to our comfort and happiness. We are so blessed. Terry Murphy arrived at the restaurant with doubles of our wedding pictures developed and in hand. Talk about 1-hour photos! We are so thankful to Terry for his generosity. Lunch was delicious but the highlight had to be the beautiful, heartfelt speech that Rocky made. I so wish we had it on video or something, but he plans to give my mom her own presentation of it, and I know she will love it. Maybe he'll even type it up and post it on the blog one of these days. I don't think I was the only one who was moved to tears. It just solidified how lucky I feel, and what a wonderful husband I’ve won.

So now, we are about to embark on our “mini-moon”… a miniature version of our honeymoon, to be had later, after September 22nd. Tonight we will have a deliciously expensive dinner that we can’t afford, and celebrate our love, and the promise of forever that we made today.

We love you all!

Treatment Update

First off, I would like to apologize for being a little slow in updating this. Thankfully, the past week has been somewhat boring and routine for Mom. She has remained in the hospital, but things seemed to have stabilized for her. She responded pretty good to her first chemo treatment that she got last Tuesday. While she does suffer from some bouts of nausea from time to time, everything else seems to be OK. Her white blood count which plummeted last time she received chemo has remained stable this time around. Also her platelet level has not been an issue either. Her ammonia levels seem to be off and on, but that is more a function of the liver and not a direct result of the chemo.

So with everything checking out, Mom was able to get her second chemo treatment of this cycle yesterday. This is the one we've been waiting for. Mom had a bad reaction a few days after receiving her second chemo batch last time around, so we're hoping and praying this time it goes better. Early indications are positive. She woke up this morning with a healthy appetite and has been in good spirits all day.

The preparations for tomorrow's big wedding are in full swing and mom seems to be getting pretty excited about it. She has arrangements made to get her hair and make-up done in the morning, and she has her wedding dress all picked out. Becky and Rocky are both excited about the day and are both overjoyed that they will get to share this very special ceremony with all of their parents. While I doubt that the hospital chapel is a place that any little girl dreams of one day getting married in, I'm fairly certain that for Becky and Rocky, tomorrow will be nothing short of perfect.

Wedding Update

As most of our friends and family are aware, my fiancé Rocky and I are getting married in a couple of weeks. A big goal of my mom’s has been to be in the front row on this special day. I want to say first and foremost that I have every bit of hope that this will still be possible. But we have come to face the reality that counting on that level of strength and energy out of her right now is probably not fair to her. We don’t want to seem pessimistic by ANY means, but this is something that has weighed extremely heavy on our minds and hearts over the past week or so.

Anyone who knows my mom knows that she is the most selfless person in the world, and all she wants is what’s best for everyone else. She has always put the wants and needs of her family before her own. I want to put HER desires first this time, and I know she wants to see me get married as much as I want her there. Both Rocky and I want to make sure that happens no matter what, because right now her happiness is our happiness. So while our hope and prayer is that God will give her the strength to be sitting up front on September 22nd, we have decided that we would rather have her see us married twice, than take the chance that she might not be able to see it at all.

On Friday morning, September 8th, Rocky and I are getting married in the Elmhurst Memorial Hospital chapel. It’s going to be a small, intimate service, just immediate family and the pastor. The chapel is very small, with only about 12 seats, so it will be standing room only. But all that matters to us is that my mom is able to see her baby girl get married (when I go see her lately she always says “my baby”, it's so sweet). That means anywhere, any way, no matter how big or small. Her presence will be a gift, and that will make our wedding day complete. We are still going to have our ceremony and reception on the 22nd, and I pray that those of you attending will all have the pleasure of seeing my mom that day. But even if for some reason she isn’t up to it, we will have peace in our hearts knowing she was there for the real deal. And I know she will feel the same way.

I really can’t put into words how much my mom means to me. She is the most influential person to ever touch my life, and I am a better person because I have her as a mother. As much as I try to explain it, I’ll never be able to measure my love for her in words. It’s just not of this vocabulary. I pray with all my heart as I enter this new chapter in my life, that I will be as good a wife to Rocky, and mother to the children we will have someday, as she has been to my dad and all of us kids. It’s a lofty goal, but I have a great teacher.